


Guilt

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: Winchester Losses [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 18:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19707196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	Guilt

_Leaning your head against him, you gripped his shirt in your fist, trying not to show him that you were in any pain. However, when you felt something warm running down your legs, and you felt weak, you had to. Dean was the first to spot it. “I think we need to get her to a hospital. Now.” He sounded fearful. “She’s got blood running down her legs.” He pointed out, although the others had seen it, John noticing how pale you were starting to look.  
_

_“Come on, sweetheart. Stay with me.” John begged. “Call Cas, damn it!” He shouted at Dean._

_You were barely keeping your eyes open. “I’m sorry, John.” He furrowed his brows, his eyes full of questions. What did you have to be sorry for? “The baby…”_

* * *

Laying in the hospital bed, you were sleeping after they were forced to medicate you. John was by your side until not too long after you drifted off. Sam, Dean, and Mary had been outside your room, watching John comfort you. They saw the look of hatred on his face as he walked towards the door, his jaw clenched.

His sights were set on Mary, ready to lash out at her. She looked like she was about to cry herself, but that didn’t change his mind. “Are you fucking kidding me, Mary?” He growled at her, his eyes locked on hers. She saw nothing but loathing in his eyes. “Look. Fucking look at her.” He pointed towards where you were resting.

“John…I had no idea.” She said quietly.

He scoffed at her. “And that makes this shit okay?” He asked. “Just because you didn’t know she was pregnant?” John snapped, shaking his head. “You were perfectly okay with letting her **die** in that house.”

Hearing it felt like a slap in the face. “I’m sorry, John.” Her arms were wrapped around herself as she spoke.

“ _Get. Out_.” He ground out through clenched teeth.

Mary turned to her boys, hoping that one of them would go with her. Just for support. “Dean?” She asked quietly. He looked away, back to you, Sam moments later. Getting the hint, Mary rushed around John, towards the elevator.

John calmed his breathing once she was gone. “That’s not the Mary I knew.” He sighed.

Dean glanced at his father. “You think she’ll be okay?” He asked quietly.  
  
“I don’t know, Dean.” John answered him honestly. “She was a wreck, you saw that.” He ran his hand through his hair, his chest aching. “She knew for a few days about the baby. Was going to tell me the night I told her about the hunt.”

“Why did she agree to go, then?” Dean asked, furrowing his brows.

“You boys.” Was all he said, and they understood. You were close to the boys, and knew that if anything happened to either of them, it would kill John. You’d put yourself on the line, and felt guilty.

* * *

The entire ride to the motel was silent, your eyes simply staring out the window. You’d barely spoken since you woke up in the hospital. John hadn’t left your side, not wanting you to be alone. Sam and Dean had stopped by a few times, as well, opting to stay near by until they were really needed somewhere else.

Pulling into the parking lot, you expected John to be angry, to yell, to storm off to the bar. And you wouldn’t hold it against him. However, when he walked around the front of his truck and took your hand, you looked up and saw a look of sadness. And it was your fault.

The boys went to their room while John led you to yours. “Say _something_.” You said softly as you sat on the bed, your eyes watering. “Yell, scream, get angry…” Your eyes were on your hands, which were promptly covered by John’s.

“Sweetheart, look at me.” It was almost him begging you. When your eyes met his, he gave you a sad smile. “I did all that.” You looked at him, confused. “At _Mary_.” He cupped your cheek, his thumb rubbing over it. “Not too long after you fell asleep. I don’t think she’s ever seen me that mad before. She better hope I **_never_** see her again.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and sobbed. “It’s my fault, John. Not hers. I’m so sorry.” Your voice was muffled by his neck, but he heard it anyways.

John sighed and shifted, picking you up bridal style so he could lay with you in bed. “I _wish_ you would have told me, sweetheart.” You gripped his shirt, feeling worse. “But, I know why you didn’t.” Your eyes shot up to his face. “You wanted to be there for the boys, me, and their mother. While you hate her, with every reason, you _know_ how much she means to the boys. You put everyone first, like you always to.” You nodded. “When you’re ready, we’re putting _us_ first.” John kissed your forehead, an unspoken promise of the future.


End file.
